Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
婚姻停尸间@林高树
婚姻停尸间>>>林高树
根据我国法令，除非双方达成协议，否则想要离婚的第一个关卡，就是到婚姻仲裁局接受“调解”。为的是数月后领到仲裁局发出的一纸调解失败证明，双方再到法庭见真章；这场“法事”，将是过去的亲密爱人为埋葬婚姻而联手主演的最后一场告别大闹剧。让几个不相关的外人（法官、律师），“专业”地为双方过去的徒然做一翻“合理”的清算，还能不是胡闹剧吗？
位于布城的婚姻仲裁局总部的调解室前有一等候厅，摆了几排蓝色沙发，面对着与厅外走廊相隔的那扇双开式落地玻璃门；或许为了避免闲杂人等胡乱闯入，这扇门是琐住的。被约谈的“个案”无法进入，敲敲玻璃门，通常会有早到的人帮忙按电钮开门。
大家在相互交换一个心照不宣的眼神后，安静就座，相对无言。不管有多少位面如死灰的“个案”（此时此地，似乎连被称为『人』都不配了），等候厅绝大多数时候都是静悄悄的，气压格外沉重；偶尔也会有人接个似乎很令他兴高采烈的电话，可是挂下电话后刹那恢复的空寂，却让人难受得在瞬间忘了他之前明显有点没血性的表现。
生命中的多种无奈，死亡是最不可避免的一个。死亡的最无可奈何之处，莫过于它的无可替代的本质，人人都得自身去经历死亡的过程。临终关怀的重点不是让你不死，只是赶在最后时刻让你还有机会学习，对生命终结的态度要看开点。
结婚若是两个人在认定找到自己的另一半后，结合而成的完整体的美丽，离婚则是在承认错误后，不得不把一个整体活生生的再次撕成两半的哀愁。犯了错误，就得付出代价，也算得上是天经地义吧？离婚不是生命中的必然，然而一旦不幸发生，付出代价的话虽然嘴巴说得轻松，当事者所经历的创伤又岂是心理辅导员凭其“同理心”就能奢望了解这么简单的？
恰如死亡一样，离婚也是无可替代的，当事人必须自己面对。较死亡尤其不幸与无奈的是，因为机制的缘故，离婚者还得亲手为自己逝去的婚姻办葬礼。婚姻仲裁局调解室前的等候厅，无异就是婚姻的停尸间，提供一个时间空间让当事人进行最后的告别式。面如死灰的等候者，就像电影中死者的灵魂在投胎前，回头再看自己的尸体最后一眼，暗自神伤；往事如烟，却历历在目，身死倒也罢了，心死方是大悲哀。紧接下来的“法事”，紧锣密鼓兼且投资庞大，却几近于毫无意义而又无法回避其残暴画面连连的三流好莱坞电影…。
婚姻仲裁局的调解员也承认，他们的成功率不到一成。
3/9/2006 《南洋商报》《人文》版
根据我国法令，除非双方达成协议，否则想要离婚的第一个关卡，就是到婚姻仲裁局接受“调解”。为的是数月后领到仲裁局发出的一纸调解失败证明，双方再到法庭见真章；这场“法事”，将是过去的亲密爱人为埋葬婚姻而联手主演的最后一场告别大闹剧。让几个不相关的外人（法官、律师），“专业”地为双方过去的徒然做一翻“合理”的清算，还能不是胡闹剧吗？
位于布城的婚姻仲裁局总部的调解室前有一等候厅，摆了几排蓝色沙发，面对着与厅外走廊相隔的那扇双开式落地玻璃门；或许为了避免闲杂人等胡乱闯入，这扇门是琐住的。被约谈的“个案”无法进入，敲敲玻璃门，通常会有早到的人帮忙按电钮开门。
大家在相互交换一个心照不宣的眼神后，安静就座，相对无言。不管有多少位面如死灰的“个案”（此时此地，似乎连被称为『人』都不配了），等候厅绝大多数时候都是静悄悄的，气压格外沉重；偶尔也会有人接个似乎很令他兴高采烈的电话，可是挂下电话后刹那恢复的空寂，却让人难受得在瞬间忘了他之前明显有点没血性的表现。
生命中的多种无奈，死亡是最不可避免的一个。死亡的最无可奈何之处，莫过于它的无可替代的本质，人人都得自身去经历死亡的过程。临终关怀的重点不是让你不死，只是赶在最后时刻让你还有机会学习，对生命终结的态度要看开点。
结婚若是两个人在认定找到自己的另一半后，结合而成的完整体的美丽，离婚则是在承认错误后，不得不把一个整体活生生的再次撕成两半的哀愁。犯了错误，就得付出代价，也算得上是天经地义吧？离婚不是生命中的必然，然而一旦不幸发生，付出代价的话虽然嘴巴说得轻松，当事者所经历的创伤又岂是心理辅导员凭其“同理心”就能奢望了解这么简单的？
恰如死亡一样，离婚也是无可替代的，当事人必须自己面对。较死亡尤其不幸与无奈的是，因为机制的缘故，离婚者还得亲手为自己逝去的婚姻办葬礼。婚姻仲裁局调解室前的等候厅，无异就是婚姻的停尸间，提供一个时间空间让当事人进行最后的告别式。面如死灰的等候者，就像电影中死者的灵魂在投胎前，回头再看自己的尸体最后一眼，暗自神伤；往事如烟，却历历在目，身死倒也罢了，心死方是大悲哀。紧接下来的“法事”，紧锣密鼓兼且投资庞大，却几近于毫无意义而又无法回避其残暴画面连连的三流好莱坞电影…。
婚姻仲裁局的调解员也承认，他们的成功率不到一成。
3/9/2006 《南洋商报》《人文》版
For Malaysians only, or those who care
Very interesting... read it on. Somebody should get this to 'people on top'…
Let's do some simple calculations here.
In Malaysia, the average family income is RM3,000 /month (where father works, mother doesn't). I understand there are many families whose monthly income does not reach RM3,000, but, to make things simple, let's take RM3,000 as the figure. Ok lah, right?
Okay, let's start rolling with a family which has Papa, Mama, 1 daughter and 1 son.
Ngam-ngam…
Calculation starts...
Electricity and water bill: RM100
(No air-con, No home theatre, No water heater … ok?)
Phone bill (Telekom): RM100
Meals for a happy family: RM775
(3 meals on RM25/day, RM25 for 4 persons…?)
Papa makan / teh-tarik during working hrs: RM155
(RM5/day, RM5 … can eat what?)
Car repayment: RM400
(A proton saga aeroback, 7 yrs repayment)
Petrol (living in city, traffic-jam): RM300
(go to work, bring son to school, only can afford one car running)
Insurance: RM650
(kids, wife and myself)
House repayment: RM750
(low cost housing repayment for 30 yrs, retired still have to work to pay!)
Tuition: RM80
(got that cheap meh? i don't think so)
Older children pocket money @ school: RM20
(RM1/day, eat bread?)
School fees: RM30
(enough ah?)
School books and etc: RM100
(always got extra to pay in school)
Younger children milk powder: RM50
(cannot have the DHA, BHA, PHA one, expensive)
Miscellaneous: RM100
(shampoo, rice, sauce, toilet paper)
Oh wait!!! I have to stop here, so... No Astro, no movie @ cinema, no DVD, no CD, no online, cannot KFC, cannot McDonald, cannot go Park walk during weekend (petrol expensive), no chit chat on phone with grandparents, and etc...
Let's use a calculator to total up... WALAO EH! Shit! RM3,610 already…
EPF belum potong, income tax lagi........oledi RM3,610...
How to survive lah tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian???
Our Deputy Prime Minister asked us to change lifestyle?
How to change? Don't eat? Don't work? Don't send children to school and study?
Besides that, I believe in Malaysia population, there are millions of rakyat Malaysia which still don't earn RM3,000/month!!!
What is this? Inilah Malaysia Boleh.... Sorry... it should be Malaysians Boleh , because we're still alive and kicking!!
Our politicians must be mad!!!!
Let's do some simple calculations here.
In Malaysia, the average family income is RM3,000 /month (where father works, mother doesn't). I understand there are many families whose monthly income does not reach RM3,000, but, to make things simple, let's take RM3,000 as the figure. Ok lah, right?
Okay, let's start rolling with a family which has Papa, Mama, 1 daughter and 1 son.
Ngam-ngam…
Calculation starts...
Electricity and water bill: RM100
(No air-con, No home theatre, No water heater … ok?)
Phone bill (Telekom): RM100
Meals for a happy family: RM775
(3 meals on RM25/day, RM25 for 4 persons…?)
Papa makan / teh-tarik during working hrs: RM155
(RM5/day, RM5 … can eat what?)
Car repayment: RM400
(A proton saga aeroback, 7 yrs repayment)
Petrol (living in city, traffic-jam): RM300
(go to work, bring son to school, only can afford one car running)
Insurance: RM650
(kids, wife and myself)
House repayment: RM750
(low cost housing repayment for 30 yrs, retired still have to work to pay!)
Tuition: RM80
(got that cheap meh? i don't think so)
Older children pocket money @ school: RM20
(RM1/day, eat bread?)
School fees: RM30
(enough ah?)
School books and etc: RM100
(always got extra to pay in school)
Younger children milk powder: RM50
(cannot have the DHA, BHA, PHA one, expensive)
Miscellaneous: RM100
(shampoo, rice, sauce, toilet paper)
Oh wait!!! I have to stop here, so... No Astro, no movie @ cinema, no DVD, no CD, no online, cannot KFC, cannot McDonald, cannot go Park walk during weekend (petrol expensive), no chit chat on phone with grandparents, and etc...
Let's use a calculator to total up... WALAO EH! Shit! RM3,610 already…
EPF belum potong, income tax lagi........oledi RM3,610...
How to survive lah tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian???
Our Deputy Prime Minister asked us to change lifestyle?
How to change? Don't eat? Don't work? Don't send children to school and study?
Besides that, I believe in Malaysia population, there are millions of rakyat Malaysia which still don't earn RM3,000/month!!!
What is this? Inilah Malaysia Boleh.... Sorry... it should be Malaysians Boleh , because we're still alive and kicking!!
Our politicians must be mad!!!!
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