应该怎么爱你>>>周嘉惠
根据往年的经验，8 月一到，各种以“爱国”之名而发起的活动和口号，势必铺天盖地而至。虽然前“爱国部长”阿都卡迪已不在位，8 月爱国的发作期将临，还是很让人头皮发紧的；况且，今年是独立50周年兼旅游年，尤其为了“爱给人家看”，届时必有一番热闹。
古罗马奥维德的《爱的艺术》名气虽大，说穿了不过就是一本情场“实战手册”，比较适合拿来唬一唬年轻人；弗洛姆（E. Fromm）的同名之作则是同类书中的经典。同样是“爱”，或许从如何爱人着手来探讨爱的方法，会间接地对爱国情操的提升有所裨益也说不定。本文就企图作此探讨。
细水长流
在古希腊神话中，人原是拥有4支胳臂4条腿的物种，后因企图挑战天神，而被宙斯一分为二。从此，人就为了寻找失去的“另一半”而忙，也为了这个缘故，古往今来，人们都在被一个共同的“情”字折磨。撇开神话不说，弗洛姆认为那是因为大家对爱的艺术有三个认知上的错误。第一.把自己置于爱的被动地位。总是问“我被爱了吗？”，而不自问是否有能力去爱人；第二.把爱凌驾在对象之上，从而否认了爱本身的能动力量。认为爱最重要的就是需要有对象，而忽略了爱情本身的难度；第三.无法区分堕入爱河(Falling in Love) 和意乱情迷(Being in Love)。
爱是长相厮守吗？是曾经拥有吗？是那枚钻戒吗？是那句“我愿意”吗？是不嫉妒、不自夸吗？是凡事包容、凡事相信、凡事盼望、凡事忍耐吗？瞎子摸象，也是，也不是。
认真去想的话，爱是什么其实谁也讲不清楚。既然讲不清楚，那又应该如何去爱呢？或许采用删除法会是不错的尝试。首先，用狂热的激情真能体现爱情的价值吗？每辆车上插根小国旗，跟文革时期人手一册小红书到底有什么不同？历史早为无知定论，却始终有人乐此不疲。那正是弗洛姆指出的分不清什么是意乱情迷和堕入爱河。若认真要去爱一个人，狂风暴雨绝对不及细水长流来得持久。天天发动“红玫瑰攻势”，你不腻，对方也腻；对方不腻，观众也腻。
五个要素
再说，爱情依靠条件吗？国学大师唐君毅写过一本令人意外的小书《爱情之福音》，书中有很好的描述。爱情应该是超越条件的，不过，没有条件，你也不可能去爱。唐先生说：“异性之条件之拴住你的心，如同一根绳子把牛拴在树下吃草，但爱情生活在吃草，不在被绳子拴在树上。”这主次关系必须分清楚。
在资本主义社会，什么事情都被消费意识所蒙蔽了。讲什么值不值得、配不配，基本上都是以交换价值为前提的现代消费特征。也难怪肯尼迪总统要呼吁：“不要问国家为你做了什么，问你为国家做了什么？” 别再互相追问到底谁比较爱谁了吧！爱的艺术是门大学问，假如相信弗洛姆的理论，那事情还得回到自身。如果是珍惜它的，面对一份爱情，不论对象是人还是国家，问问自己是否齐备了这五个要素：给予、关心、责任、尊重、了解。当然，齐备了也不意味着无往不利，但至少已经尽心尽力，无愧于天地良心了。
柏拉图的《会饮篇》把爱情形容为美和善的不朽结合，实在是美事一桩。然而，假如大家继续算计得失，这关系只怕永远不可能搞好。
最起码，在忍无可忍决定挥剑断情丝之前，抱持这种态度去爱还是正确的，而且也是很应该的。
24/06/2007 《南洋商报》《时潮》版
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
专栏《牛虻呓语》>>10/06/2007 周嘉惠
都怪荀子泼冷水！>>>周嘉惠
“王老五”是不是全等于“没有结婚的男人”？这种问题似乎很白痴对不对？不过美国已故哲学家奎恩（Quine）在《经验论的两个教条》中，经过一番推敲后认为，至少在语言逻辑的意义上，上述问题所得到的结论正是我们很难接受的：“不是”。详细内容就不多说了，有兴趣的读者可以去找原文看看，或者我们私下再讨论。
在这里希望指出的重点是，两个表面上看起来长得十分神似的事物，很多时候并不必然就顺理成章的“全等”。其实这跟和尚是光头，光头不一定是和尚的道理是很类似的。
我国综合指数近来涨得虽然不如上海股市那般的如脱缰野马，但也已足够粉饰太平。这么说似乎有点不厚道，或者该换个比较政治正确的角度说，高涨的股市让大家感觉“这经济真好”。反正牛市时，综合指数反映的是经济实力；熊市时，基本面依然强劲，同样的综合指数就不反映经济实力了。这些鬼话屡屡出现在报章上的经济版，也真难为老编们昧着良心不时把这类消息刊出来。
数据到底能够反映多少程度的现实？这得先问问数据是怎么算出来的？综合指数我们还有些概念，其他的呢？不告诉你！面对这么含羞答答、犹抱琵琶半遮面的回应，居然还有人相信那些所谓的“数据”！真不知道该怪这些国民心太软？耳朵太软？还是骨头太软？
感觉上自己是越来越老油条了，变得好象什么都不肯完全相信似的。尤其对官方说词，始终有些许保留。不过不知官方对吾等人微言轻的话语，却又是抱着什么样的态度呢？
阅读是我长久来的嗜好，但这不可能等同于本人就“有路”买书，尤其是买禁书。可是，很显然人家并不这么认为。前些日子柯嘉逊博士的新作《五一三：1969年暴动之解密文件》一度被令下架，颇有被列为禁书之势。一时之间，居然有三拨人马先后来托，要求务必尽快为他们找到这本书。虽然最后是不负所托，但重点不在此。
重点是后来当首相宣布，这本书没问题，可以自由买卖，放心阅读，而委托人这时却纷纷打听是否可以退书？这种“对着干”的心态，我们不必胡乱去诠释，倒是有关方面实有多多琢磨的必要。可惜我们不像台湾那么喜欢做民意调查，否则弄个调查看看当今的民怨是个什么情况，结果相信一定会很有意思。
战国末年，荀子曾经描述过这样的一个世界：“其服组，其容妇，其俗淫，其志利，其行杂，其声乐险，其文章匿而采，其养生无度，其死瘠墨，贱礼义而贵勇力，贫则为盗，富则为贼。”（《荀子·乐论》）翻译成白话文，就是：“衣服是妖艳的，男人们娘娘腔象女人样，风俗不正派，大家的志向都是赚钱，行为乱七八糟，声乐带邪气，文章用文采掩盖了不良的内容，过度注重养生，不尊重死者、把尸体争来夺去、当死者死的（这句话好象有语病），不讲礼义、讲拳头，穷人当小偷，富人则当强盗。”是不是很有似曾相识的“亲切”感觉？不过那正是荀子眼中的“乱世之征”啊！
假如大家当下都活在乱世之中，管它各方面粉饰得再怎么令人振奋，恐怕也只不过是在一座随时会倒塌的危楼上办劲舞狂欢会而已。虽然把头往沙中一塞会顿时自我感觉十分良好，但危机的发生与否，又岂会依据大家的自我感觉？
活在一个连公厕都没办法管好的时空里，还想奢望些什么其他的呢？别傻了！倘得以生于忧患，死于安逸已算不错，该感谢祖宗了。真的，我们实在没什么好高兴。
10/06/2007 《南洋商报》《时潮》版
“王老五”是不是全等于“没有结婚的男人”？这种问题似乎很白痴对不对？不过美国已故哲学家奎恩（Quine）在《经验论的两个教条》中，经过一番推敲后认为，至少在语言逻辑的意义上，上述问题所得到的结论正是我们很难接受的：“不是”。详细内容就不多说了，有兴趣的读者可以去找原文看看，或者我们私下再讨论。
在这里希望指出的重点是，两个表面上看起来长得十分神似的事物，很多时候并不必然就顺理成章的“全等”。其实这跟和尚是光头，光头不一定是和尚的道理是很类似的。
我国综合指数近来涨得虽然不如上海股市那般的如脱缰野马，但也已足够粉饰太平。这么说似乎有点不厚道，或者该换个比较政治正确的角度说，高涨的股市让大家感觉“这经济真好”。反正牛市时，综合指数反映的是经济实力；熊市时，基本面依然强劲，同样的综合指数就不反映经济实力了。这些鬼话屡屡出现在报章上的经济版，也真难为老编们昧着良心不时把这类消息刊出来。
数据到底能够反映多少程度的现实？这得先问问数据是怎么算出来的？综合指数我们还有些概念，其他的呢？不告诉你！面对这么含羞答答、犹抱琵琶半遮面的回应，居然还有人相信那些所谓的“数据”！真不知道该怪这些国民心太软？耳朵太软？还是骨头太软？
感觉上自己是越来越老油条了，变得好象什么都不肯完全相信似的。尤其对官方说词，始终有些许保留。不过不知官方对吾等人微言轻的话语，却又是抱着什么样的态度呢？
阅读是我长久来的嗜好，但这不可能等同于本人就“有路”买书，尤其是买禁书。可是，很显然人家并不这么认为。前些日子柯嘉逊博士的新作《五一三：1969年暴动之解密文件》一度被令下架，颇有被列为禁书之势。一时之间，居然有三拨人马先后来托，要求务必尽快为他们找到这本书。虽然最后是不负所托，但重点不在此。
重点是后来当首相宣布，这本书没问题，可以自由买卖，放心阅读，而委托人这时却纷纷打听是否可以退书？这种“对着干”的心态，我们不必胡乱去诠释，倒是有关方面实有多多琢磨的必要。可惜我们不像台湾那么喜欢做民意调查，否则弄个调查看看当今的民怨是个什么情况，结果相信一定会很有意思。
战国末年，荀子曾经描述过这样的一个世界：“其服组，其容妇，其俗淫，其志利，其行杂，其声乐险，其文章匿而采，其养生无度，其死瘠墨，贱礼义而贵勇力，贫则为盗，富则为贼。”（《荀子·乐论》）翻译成白话文，就是：“衣服是妖艳的，男人们娘娘腔象女人样，风俗不正派，大家的志向都是赚钱，行为乱七八糟，声乐带邪气，文章用文采掩盖了不良的内容，过度注重养生，不尊重死者、把尸体争来夺去、当死者死的（这句话好象有语病），不讲礼义、讲拳头，穷人当小偷，富人则当强盗。”是不是很有似曾相识的“亲切”感觉？不过那正是荀子眼中的“乱世之征”啊！
假如大家当下都活在乱世之中，管它各方面粉饰得再怎么令人振奋，恐怕也只不过是在一座随时会倒塌的危楼上办劲舞狂欢会而已。虽然把头往沙中一塞会顿时自我感觉十分良好，但危机的发生与否，又岂会依据大家的自我感觉？
活在一个连公厕都没办法管好的时空里，还想奢望些什么其他的呢？别傻了！倘得以生于忧患，死于安逸已算不错，该感谢祖宗了。真的，我们实在没什么好高兴。
10/06/2007 《南洋商报》《时潮》版
Understanding Engineers
Understanding Engineers - Take One:
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a Particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a Particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
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