Legally Bersih2.0

Yeh! Yeh! Kita menang!…hmm…or did we?
NO HOLDS BARRED
Tuesday, 05 July 2011
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Bersih 2.0 will hold its rally for electoral reforms in a stadium and not in the streets, the group said today fresh from an audience with the Yang Di-Pertuan Agong in Istana Negara. “We accept the government’s offer to hold the demonstration in a stadium. We will not hold it in the streets,” Bersih 2.0 chief Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan told reporters today.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin


Datuk: Tan Sri!

Tan Sri: Calm down, Datuk….apa hal bising sangat ni?

Datuk: I have some good news, Tan Sri.

Tan Sri: Ah, what is it this time? Ambiga has migrated and has applied for Australian citizenship?

Datuk: No lah, Tan Sri. Better than that.

Tan Sri: What can be better than Ambiga leaving Malaysia?

Datuk: The BERSIH march is off…cancelled…batal.

Tan Sri: Hmm…that is certainly good news. How come?

Datuk: Ambiga had an audience with the Agong this afternoon and BERSIH has agreed to cancel the street march and hold a rally in the stadium instead.

Tan Sri: His Majesty agreed to meet Ambiga?

Datuk: Yes.

Tan Sri: So that means His Majesty recognises BERSIH?

Datuk: Looks like it.

Tan Sri: So that means we can’t ban BERSIH then.

Datuk: Why not, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: Aiyah...if His Majesty had an official meeting with BERSIH this would mean His Majesty recognises BERSIH.

Datuk: So?

Tan Sri: So it means we can’t ban BERSIH. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of collaborating with an illegal organisation and we would have to arrest His Majesty under the Internal Security Act.

Datuk: Oh…I never thought of that.

Tan Sri: Yes…and that’s why you are a mere Datuk while I am a Tan Sri.

Datuk: That also means we cannot allege that BERSIH is backed by the Communists and Jews. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of working with the Communists and Jews.

Tan Sri: Now you are getting it. So how can that be good news?

Datuk: Didn’t His Majesty think of this? Aiyah…why so stupid?

Tan Sri: Hey, that is seditious. You can’t call the Agong stupid.

Datuk: No, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it was stupid of us to allow the Agong to meet Ambiga.

Tan Sri: But we dragged the Agong into this. So how can we prevent the Agong from meeting BERSIH?

Datuk: Ia lah. We made a big mistake in issuing that statement from the Agong.

Tan Sri: Hey! Cakap baik sikit!

Datuk: Sorry, I meant we made a big mistake in asking the Agong to issue that statement.

Tan Sri: That’s better. Don’t ever say we issued that statement on behalf of the Agong.

Datuk: Okay lah, but at least the street march is off…now it’s been reduced to just a rally in a stadium.

Tan Sri: How many people do you think will attend the rally?

Datuk: Not sure. Maybe 100,000…could even be 200,000. Now that it is no longer an illegal assembly and there is no danger of arrests many more people may turn out. Those who were initially afraid to turn out may now turn out since it is safe. Mana tahu? Could even be 300,000 people.

Tan Sri: How would 300,000 people park their cars at the stadium?

Datuk: Oh, cannot lah. There is not enough car park space for 300,000 people. They will have to park their cars elsewhere and walk to the stadium…or take public transport.

Tan Sri: So, to get to the stadium they will have to walk, right?

Datuk: That’s right.

Tan Sri: Which means they will be marching to the stadium instead of marching to the Agong’s palace, right?

Datuk: Yes, that’s right…oh…I see what you mean.

Tan Sri: Yes, that’s what I mean. So the march is still on then. Only now it is a legal march, not an illegal march. And they will march to the stadium instead of to the palace. And we can’t do anything about it because the Agong has agreed to this. We can no longer arrest the marchers.

Datuk: Aiyah! This is a disaster. We got tricked. What to do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: What can we do? His Majesty has just given BERSIH legitimacy and it has been agreed that a legal rally can be held in the stadium and because of the huge crowd that may turn out they cannot drive to the stadium but will have to march there dressed in yellow shirts.

Datuk: Mampus!

Tan Sri: Yes, mampus. This is even worse. At least if they proceeded with the original plan we can ban BERSIH and declare it a menace to society and a threat to nation security. Now we can’t touch them. We can’t even arrest anyone on 9th July. And because the rally is legal more people will come out. They are not scared any more. And Umno Youth and PERKASA can’t march on the streets in opposition to BERSIH. If they do we will have to arrest them.

Datuk: Alamak. We can’t touch the BERSIH marchers but will have to arrest the Umno Youth and PERKASA marchers. And Khairy already said if BERSIH cancels the street march he is prepared to work with them. So Umno Youth must now support the BERSIH rally at the stadium.

Tan Sri: Exactly. Now you know why I am a Tan Sri and you are just a Datuk?

Datuk: And that means we can’t also ask the Agong to revoke Ambiga’s citizenship.

Tan Sri: Revoke citizenship for what? For obeying the Agong by cancelling the street march and by holding a rally at the stadium like how Najib asked them to?

Datuk: Somehow I think we have been had…suckered big time.

Tan Sri: Aiyah…please get out of here and leave me alone. I need to draft my resignation letter.

Datuk: What should I do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: I suggest you also go draft your resignation letter. Najib will want both our heads on a silver platter after this.